My name is Dianna, I am so pleased to have the opportunity to meet you.
Have you ever felt like there was some place you were meant to go to or something you were destined to do, but just couldn’t figure out who or what? Yeah, me too.
Actually, it is the story of my life.
You see, growing up, I felt like I was a “nobody.” Mostly because my stepfather beat that truth into me–literally.
We lived on a farm in the middle of Nowhere, Ohio and my closest friends were my dairy goats.
When I was twelve, one of my friends let me try her makeup and something magical happened. With a just a little bit of color, I became someone else.
Momma bought me makeup that I could wear only when my stepfather didn’t see.
Makeup allowed me to “go on” no matter how bad things got. No one would know my pain because I used makeup as a mask🎭—a place to hide. This ability helped me survive.
By the time Momma was able to get away from my stepfather, I was sixteen years old, and I had no idea who I was anymore. We moved to Florida, and she sent me to Barbizon Modeling School. She hoped it would help me grow my passion for all things beauty and fashion. While I hoped to do some sort of modeling, I found so much more.
I began to learn how to engage with “beauty” and find true confidence from within.
It wasn’t long after that I met the man who would become my husband. I made a promise to Momma I wouldn’t be sexually active until I turned eighteen and I was dating someone at the time. He said loved me. I knew that he wanted me so I gave him the one thing I can never get back. (Perhaps the one thing I don’t remember ever having.) My innocence.
Momma was so disappointed with my choice, but as they say, I made my bed and now I had to lie in it.
As a matter-of-fact, that became my marriage bed. I stayed with him for almost eighteen years. Did I love him? Sure, but the one thing I was afraid of was that I’d never find anyone else who would love me–WANT me.
Because I grew up in an abusive home, the one thing I made clear to him was, “if you lay a hand on me that will be the last time.”
Have you heard the saying, sticks, and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
Well, I am here to tell you that is a lie. Words are potent and while he wasn’t physically abusive, but he was mentally. He had me wrapped around his finger and instinctively knew that he could cheat on me, not work, cause us to lose the house I purchased with my inheritance and whatever else. He knew I would take him back AGAIN and AGAIN.
WHY? Because I didn’t think I was worth anything or that I deserved ANYONE better.
Then one night in 2009, after almost eighteen years of marriage, my husband says, “I think God is saying we shouldn’t be together anymore. We just don’t want the same things.” 💔
After I swallowed my pride, I allowed my heart to listen to what I believe God had been saying for years. Allowing my Heavenly Shepherd rescue me and helpe me to break away. I could feel Him saying to my heart.
I love you, My Child. I have a life planned for you. You will be fine. Do you trust me?” 💓
And with that, I walked away.
Now please understand I am not saying if you are having issues in your marriage that divorce is your only and best option because I don’t believe that to be true. It is the biggest reason I stayed after being cheated on several times. I do, however, think that for any relationship to work, both people must be willing to give 100% EACH! There definitely shouldn’t be any abuse, mental or physical. 💔
I understand the pain of childhood abuse.
I know firsthand what it does to a woman’s soul.
In the, almost, ten years since my divorce, I’ve been able to return to a place of passion, joy, and happiness. I also know that at 45 years old, I am finally at the point of knowing hope. I understand that while the past is mine, it doesn’t own me.
I don’t have to hide behind things like makeup and hair to feel worthy. I can see my value through my Heavenly Father’s eyes. I can even go to the store without being all dolled up. (I couldn’t imagine doing that before.)
It is my prayer that I will be able to share my pain and recovery with my fellow sisters. I believe in the Hope that comes from the love of ONE who will never fail. The ONE who loves you no matter what! The ONE who made you Unique! The One who wants you to BE YOU! Jesus Christ.
I knew you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart for me before you were born. Jerimiah 1:5